Quote

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Kids
Years
Fractions
Time
Aging
Think
Excited
Thinking
Realize
Like
Realizing
Less
Lives

More quotes by George Carlin

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I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
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The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.
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The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
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We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
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Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right.
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Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.
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Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
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One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put 'em at ten o'clock and two o' clock. Never mind that . I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm goin'.
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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
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Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe.
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I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
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I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
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No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
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And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
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Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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