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Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
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Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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More quotes by George Carlin
If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
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I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
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Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
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Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.
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Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
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If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
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People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
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Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.
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You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets...supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.
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People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
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There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!
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I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.
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I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
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When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given a front row seat. And some of us get to sit there with notebooks.
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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.
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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
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If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
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