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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Religion
Begging
Nature
Unworthy
Someone
Alter
Unseen
Praying
Atheism
Admittedly
Laws
Deity
Law
Deities
More quotes by George Carlin
I definitely have a gift for language that is rhythmic and attractive to the ear, and I have interesting [verbal] imagery which I guess is a poetic touch.
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Your home is your refuge.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
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Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
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I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.
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I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.
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Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
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Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't.
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I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
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Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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I respect animals. I have more sympathy for an injured or dead animal than I do for an injured or dead human being, because human beings participate and cooperate in their own undoing. Animals are completely innocent. There are no innocent human beings.
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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
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Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
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When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.
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The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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