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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Someone
Alter
Unseen
Praying
Atheism
Admittedly
Laws
Deity
Law
Deities
Religion
Begging
Nature
Unworthy
More quotes by George Carlin
What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
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I don't have hobbies hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.
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Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
George Carlin
All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World peasants are poor they will send us drugs, and as long as we are empty we will ask for this little plant.
George Carlin
I say things that can be defined as prayers. But I don't pray to a power or ask an entity to intercede in the earthly scheme, because I don't believe that happens. But if I see a really unfortunate person in the street, I do pray, yes, though I suppose it's really more like a mantra to ease my own sorrow.
George Carlin
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
George Carlin
And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was conceived in the absence of sex. It means Mary was conceived without Original Sin. That's all it has ever meant. And according to the tabloids, Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim. The Jesus thing is called virgin birth.
George Carlin
I'll tell you a little secret about the Blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played.
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
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A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner he killed everyone he came in contact with.
George Carlin
The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind
George Carlin
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
George Carlin
Life is a zero sum game.
George Carlin
I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
George Carlin
Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
George Carlin
One time. In 1965. August, for about an hour, I was both fine AND dandy at the same time. But nobody asked me how I was.
George Carlin
If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?
George Carlin