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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Someone
Alter
Unseen
Praying
Atheism
Admittedly
Laws
Deity
Law
Deities
Religion
Begging
Nature
Unworthy
More quotes by George Carlin
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
George Carlin
In Hawaii they say, aloha. That's a nice one, It means both hello and good-bye Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going.
George Carlin
I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
George Carlin
I do something about the weather. I stay home.
George Carlin
I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
George Carlin
People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
George Carlin
Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
George Carlin
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
George Carlin
When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
George Carlin
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
George Carlin
I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
George Carlin
The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.
George Carlin
I think there's a little more attention to human needs than to property rights. But I don't think much of political activism. It's so shortsighted. Most people are interested in their own personal comfort. I've said that about environmentalists. I think they care about bike paths and places to park their Volvos, not the planet as an abstraction.
George Carlin
If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
George Carlin
All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
George Carlin
There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
George Carlin
You never see a smiling runner.
George Carlin
People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
George Carlin
Life is a zero sum game.
George Carlin