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I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Would
School
Remember
Used
Care
Pancakes
Home
Sunday
Come
Drunk
Trying
Mother
Make
Kids
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
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If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
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Two things happened. The creative side of my career was harmed. When I'd sit down and write under the influence of coke, the ratio of pages kept to pages thrown out declined drastically. But onstage, when rapping about a feeling I already owned, I would sometimes get a burst of eloquence.
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If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.
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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
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President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.
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And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
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Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
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We created god in our own image and likeness!
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