Quote

Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Trying
Spots
Make
Guilty
People
Judge
Judging
Juror
Duty
Jurors
Lying
Jury
Tell
Terrific
Truth
Spot

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One of the interesting things about outsidership is that underneath it there's a longing to belong. I just wish the thing I refused to belong to - the species, Western capital culture - was a little more respectable. My one true relaxation is my flotation tank, in which I can either meditate or just drift off.
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If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
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I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Your home is your refuge.
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Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
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Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
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I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
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Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.
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In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
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All music is the blues. All of it.
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One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put 'em at ten o'clock and two o' clock. Never mind that . I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm goin'.
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Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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There are actually people who go out and re-fight these battles. You know what I say? Use real ammunition! You just might raise the intelligence level of the American gene pool!
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