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Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Trying
Spots
Make
Guilty
People
Judge
Judging
Juror
Duty
Jurors
Lying
Jury
Tell
Terrific
Truth
Spot
More quotes by George Carlin
Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.
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If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
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Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment, because I feel if I have my physical space in order, then I'm free to dream.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
George Carlin
In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!
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I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.
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In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
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We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
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What I hated most was seeing those priests and brothers getting so much pleasure out of inflicting pain. I wondered what was wrong with them.
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I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an even worse experience than the Catholic schools. I mean, they were still teaching fractions. But mostly, I played hooky.
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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
George Carlin
If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
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It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?
George Carlin