Quote

Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Juror
Judging
Jurors
Duty
Jury
Lying
Terrific
Tell
Spot
Truth
Spots
Trying
Guilty
Make
People
Judge

More quotes by George Carlin

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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
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For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
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I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.
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I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there.
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If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
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I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.
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They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
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Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
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We kind of shape our truths as we speak them. We fashion things to suit the occasion or the person or our own needs in the moment.
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
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To my surprise, my marijuana use has been tapering off steadily.
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I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
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No comment is a comment.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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