Quote

Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Lying
Jury
Tell
Terrific
Truth
Spot
Trying
Spots
Make
Guilty
People
Judge
Judging
Juror
Duty
Jurors

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You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't have is 5 blacks guys talking like, 'Golly gee, we really won that big basketball game' but you will have 5 white guys talking like 'Yo slick, whuzzup...we be shootin hoops and mad playin, slammed those mofos
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You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets...supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
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Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.
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What I hated most was seeing those priests and brothers getting so much pleasure out of inflicting pain. I wondered what was wrong with them.
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Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
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If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
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Personally, when it comes to rights, I think one of two things is true. I think either we have unlimited rights, or we have no rights at all. Personally I lean towards unlimited rights, I feel for instance I have the right to do anything I please, BUT! If I do something you don't like I think you have the right to kill me.
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Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
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I think of myself as an entertainer: I'm a performing entertainer, I'm a stand-up comic. But there's an artist at work here, too. One who interprets his world through his own filter.
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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
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Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
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