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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Like
Satisfy
Possession
Hunger
Fun
Happiness
Taping
Happy
Accumulating
Body
Sandwiches
Trying
Possessions

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Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
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If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.
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A pear is a failed apple.
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Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
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I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
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When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
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Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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I think we’re part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is.
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Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
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I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to it depends on the moment and the subject.
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Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
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You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there.
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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
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The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
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Cancer research is a growth industry.
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
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Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
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To my surprise, my marijuana use has been tapering off steadily.
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