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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Happiness
Taping
Happy
Accumulating
Body
Sandwiches
Trying
Possessions
Like
Satisfy
Possession
Hunger
Fun
More quotes by George Carlin
People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
George Carlin
Sometimes, when I was really loaded, I'd sit on the floor and sort out every nut and bolt in the house. It was just sheer insanity. And often there'd be speed in the cut, so I was a speed freak, too.
George Carlin
The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election
George Carlin
I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
George Carlin
I think there's a little more attention to human needs than to property rights. But I don't think much of political activism. It's so shortsighted. Most people are interested in their own personal comfort. I've said that about environmentalists. I think they care about bike paths and places to park their Volvos, not the planet as an abstraction.
George Carlin
The US Army has announced that although it is true they performed mind-destroying drug tests on hundreds of soldiers in the 1960s, none of the victims have been promoted beyond the rank of lieutenant colonel.
George Carlin
If you ask me, we could do with a little less motivation. - The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. - Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans.
George Carlin
People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
George Carlin
Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.
George Carlin
The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.
George Carlin
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
George Carlin
In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.
George Carlin
Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.
George Carlin
I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
George Carlin
If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?
George Carlin
I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a joint or not, I'd smoke a joint to figure it out. And I stayed high all day long.
George Carlin
How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
George Carlin
They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.
George Carlin
Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
George Carlin
Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
George Carlin
