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There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Doubt
Certain
Klux
May
Foxholes
Klan
Atheists
Atheist
None
Atheism
More quotes by George Carlin
One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
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Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don't kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
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The rebellious mood of the country during those [60th] years allowed me to plug right back into my old hatreds. I could scream and holler, as I did on the albums, against religion, government, big business - all those assholes and their values. That hatred was very real.
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You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
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Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.
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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
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Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.
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The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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The US Army has announced that although it is true they performed mind-destroying drug tests on hundreds of soldiers in the 1960s, none of the victims have been promoted beyond the rank of lieutenant colonel.
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The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.
George Carlin
When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
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A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
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