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When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Look
Humorous
Nothing
Jokes
Looks
Average
Good
Realize
Realizing
American
Enjoy
Enjoys
Nature
Joke
More quotes by George Carlin
Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
George Carlin
Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
George Carlin
As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
George Carlin
What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. There's just a rich, textured, field of information and impressions that have been all networked by the brain.
George Carlin
I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
George Carlin
And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
George Carlin
I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
George Carlin
When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
George Carlin
I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
George Carlin
Language always gives you away.
George Carlin
I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
George Carlin
There are actually people who go out and re-fight these battles. You know what I say? Use real ammunition! You just might raise the intelligence level of the American gene pool!
George Carlin
The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.
George Carlin
In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
George Carlin
Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.
George Carlin
One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
George Carlin
I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
George Carlin
A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner he killed everyone he came in contact with.
George Carlin
The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
George Carlin
We created god in our own image and likeness!
George Carlin
