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When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Nature
Joke
Look
Humorous
Nothing
Jokes
Looks
Average
Good
Realize
Realizing
American
Enjoy
Enjoys
More quotes by George Carlin
To my surprise, my marijuana use has been tapering off steadily.
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At 68 I'm every age I ever was. I always think of that. I'm not just 68. I'm also 55 and 21 and three. Oh especially three.
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Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Does killing time damage eternity?
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Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
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I find that an entertainer is quite content to sit still, and I think an artist always has a little motion, always going somewhere. May not know where it is, but there is some sort of unnamed destination. There is some pulling, some movement. So I just found myself in that category according to my own analysis.
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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
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I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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In Hawaii they say, aloha. That's a nice one, It means both hello and good-bye Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going.
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
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The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It's not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone.
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I don't have hobbies hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
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Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.
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There was about a two-year period at the end of the '60s, when I realized I was in the wrong place and entertaining the wrong people with the wrong material and that I was not being true to myself. I went through a metamorphosis into something more authentic for me, a more authentic stage voice and writing voice.
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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
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