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When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Looks
Average
Good
Realize
Realizing
American
Enjoy
Enjoys
Nature
Joke
Look
Humorous
Nothing
Jokes

More quotes by George Carlin

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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
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When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.
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My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money.
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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
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You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
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I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
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Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
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Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
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Anger is a handy term and words are tricky, as we know. What one man perceives as anger, another person - in my case the deliverer of material - is, Don't you see it, don't you see how badly you're doing? It's like shaking a child - which you're not supposed to do.
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People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
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There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!
George Carlin
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If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.
George Carlin
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When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.
George Carlin
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There are an awful lot of things in the cut of street drugs that eventually make you sick. I reached a point where the skin around the edges of my fingernails used to hurt all the time. And it would peel away easily. Now, that must have been from some poison in the cut.
George Carlin
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
George Carlin
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There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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