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When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Good
Realize
Realizing
American
Enjoy
Enjoys
Nature
Joke
Look
Humorous
Nothing
Jokes
Looks
Average
More quotes by George Carlin
I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to it depends on the moment and the subject.
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To my surprise, my marijuana use has been tapering off steadily.
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
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Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
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There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
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When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given a front row seat. And some of us get to sit there with notebooks.
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Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
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Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
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I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
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When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows there's just nothing special about their content.
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Personally, emotionally, I'd rather divorce myself from the world than face the heartbreak of partial success. Because partial success implies overwhelming failure.
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Your home is your refuge.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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No one who has had Taps played for them has ever been able to hear it.
George Carlin
