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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Find
Humorous
Maybe
Asks
Show
Hope
Ropes
Idea
Rope
Shows
Strings
Ideas
Pull

More quotes by George Carlin

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Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
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You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like generally, it's an inconvenience.
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My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money.
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Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
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Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
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The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.
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So far, this is the oldest I've been.
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
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The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
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I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
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Two things happened. The creative side of my career was harmed. When I'd sit down and write under the influence of coke, the ratio of pages kept to pages thrown out declined drastically. But onstage, when rapping about a feeling I already owned, I would sometimes get a burst of eloquence.
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I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I'll get one. And I'll use it.
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If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
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I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
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Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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