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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Idea
Rope
Shows
Strings
Ideas
Pull
Find
Humorous
Maybe
Asks
Show
Hope
Ropes
More quotes by George Carlin
It's a keep your fingers crossed business, the entertainment business.
George Carlin
There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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I try not to see new comics - their acts or their films. Part of that is professional. I don't want to be influenced. But another part is fear and jealousy. I'm afraid to see how good they might be. I don't like that emotion, but it's part of me.
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Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
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Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
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A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner he killed everyone he came in contact with.
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I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
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I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan administration.
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We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
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They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
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If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.
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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
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I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
George Carlin
