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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Asks
Show
Hope
Ropes
Idea
Rope
Shows
Strings
Ideas
Pull
Find
Humorous
Maybe
More quotes by George Carlin
That's the whole meaning of life, isn't it? Trying to find a place for your stuff.
George Carlin
The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
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Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
George Carlin
I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'
George Carlin
The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
George Carlin
Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
George Carlin
The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.
George Carlin
People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn't want you to know.
George Carlin
When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.
George Carlin
The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.
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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
George Carlin
President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.
George Carlin
In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.
George Carlin
War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always has been.
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Life is a series of dogs.
George Carlin
The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
George Carlin
Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
George Carlin
It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
George Carlin
Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
George Carlin
