Quote

I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Shows
Strings
Ideas
Pull
Find
Humorous
Maybe
Asks
Show
Hope
Ropes
Idea
Rope

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Cancer research is a growth industry.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
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Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.
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The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.
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You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
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Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Two things happened. The creative side of my career was harmed. When I'd sit down and write under the influence of coke, the ratio of pages kept to pages thrown out declined drastically. But onstage, when rapping about a feeling I already owned, I would sometimes get a burst of eloquence.
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Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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