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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Humorous
Maybe
Asks
Show
Hope
Ropes
Idea
Rope
Shows
Strings
Ideas
Pull
More quotes by George Carlin
It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
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Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
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If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.
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Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
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Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.
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There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. But I'm not in a league with Lenny [Bruce], certainly not in terms of social commentary.
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Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
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We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.
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