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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Shows
Strings
Ideas
Pull
Find
Humorous
Maybe
Asks
Show
Hope
Ropes
Idea
Rope
More quotes by George Carlin
I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
George Carlin
No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
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When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
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Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
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Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.
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In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.
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Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the Ten Most Wanted criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list?
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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Broadway isn't a very big career move. There's no money in it and it doesn't mean anything to your career. It's just a nice little jewel in the crown.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
George Carlin
Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. Our enemies pray for God to destroy us. Somebody's gonna be disappointed! Somebody's wasting their time! Could it be.. everyone?
George Carlin
