Quote

Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Eye
Humorous
Death
Suicide
Keep
Gonna
Someone
Kill
Watches
Watch
Hurt
Guy
Bother

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I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
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Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
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We kind of shape our truths as we speak them. We fashion things to suit the occasion or the person or our own needs in the moment.
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If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
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It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election
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The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition.
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Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
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When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all.
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Sometimes, when I was really loaded, I'd sit on the floor and sort out every nut and bolt in the house. It was just sheer insanity. And often there'd be speed in the cut, so I was a speed freak, too.
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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
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When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
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We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
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I don't have hobbies hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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