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A pear is a failed apple.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Pears
Apple
Apples
Failed
Humorous
Pear
More quotes by George Carlin
My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
George Carlin
The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.
George Carlin
The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
George Carlin
It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
George Carlin
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
George Carlin
The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.
George Carlin
I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.
George Carlin
There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.
George Carlin
People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.
George Carlin
Christian Deodorant: Thou Shalt Not Smell
George Carlin
The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
George Carlin
I always knew I could hold people's attention and make them laugh every 30 or 40 seconds, and I got approval and attention for that, so the behavior was reinforced. Later, that became an important skill on the street corner.
George Carlin
Writing is really wonderful art. A lot of this is discovery. A lot of things are lying around waiting to be discovered and that's our job as writers is to just notice them and bring them to life.
George Carlin
Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
George Carlin
I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
George Carlin
There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed. Fear, guilt and shame are built into the attitude toward sex and the body. It's reflected in these prohibitions and these taboos that we have.
George Carlin
No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open.
George Carlin
We created god in our own image and likeness!
George Carlin
What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
George Carlin
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
George Carlin
