Quote

A pear is a failed apple.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Humorous
Pear
Pears
Apple
Apples
Failed

More quotes by George Carlin

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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
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I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
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I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
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Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
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How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
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Have you ever started a path? No one seems willing to do this. We don't mind using existing paths, but we rarely start new ones. Do it today. Start a path. Even if it doesn't lead anywhere
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
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Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
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We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
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War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always has been.
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There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.
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All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
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Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
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The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.
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