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A pear is a failed apple.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Pear
Pears
Apple
Apples
Failed
Humorous

More quotes by George Carlin

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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
George Carlin
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Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the Ten Most Wanted criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list?
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To my surprise, my marijuana use has been tapering off steadily.
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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
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Life is a series of dogs.
George Carlin
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President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.
George Carlin
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
George Carlin
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We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.
George Carlin
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
George Carlin
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
George Carlin
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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
George Carlin
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When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.
George Carlin
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They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.
George Carlin
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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
George Carlin
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Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
George Carlin
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Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.
George Carlin
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As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
George Carlin
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At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
George Carlin
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Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
George Carlin