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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Humorous
Rain
Lives
Sometimes
Rains

More quotes by George Carlin

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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
George Carlin
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
George Carlin
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I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
George Carlin
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I always knew I could hold people's attention and make them laugh every 30 or 40 seconds, and I got approval and attention for that, so the behavior was reinforced. Later, that became an important skill on the street corner.
George Carlin
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I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
George Carlin
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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
George Carlin
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Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!
George Carlin
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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
George Carlin
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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
George Carlin
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
George Carlin
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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
George Carlin
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Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
George Carlin
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You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
George Carlin
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If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
George Carlin
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A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.
George Carlin
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
George Carlin
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
George Carlin
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When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
George Carlin
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That's the whole meaning of life, isn't it? Trying to find a place for your stuff.
George Carlin
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Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.
George Carlin