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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Rains
Humorous
Rain
Lives
Sometimes
More quotes by George Carlin
There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush.
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All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
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I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.
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I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
George Carlin
The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.
George Carlin
On the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.
George Carlin
Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
George Carlin
By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
George Carlin
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
George Carlin
The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.
George Carlin
I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
George Carlin
Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
George Carlin
I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
George Carlin
Sometimes, when I was really loaded, I'd sit on the floor and sort out every nut and bolt in the house. It was just sheer insanity. And often there'd be speed in the cut, so I was a speed freak, too.
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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
George Carlin
Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
George Carlin
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
George Carlin
I just try to find targets I feel something about and express it my way.
George Carlin
People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
George Carlin
I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
George Carlin
