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You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like generally, it's an inconvenience.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Humorous
Generally
Probably
Happen
Dies
Inconvenience
Hate
Schedule
Happens
Schedules
Going
Remind

More quotes by George Carlin

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The US Army has announced that although it is true they performed mind-destroying drug tests on hundreds of soldiers in the 1960s, none of the victims have been promoted beyond the rank of lieutenant colonel.
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You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets...supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.
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I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. But I understand the word cynic has more than one meaning, and I see how I could be seen as cynical. George, you're cynical. Well, you know, they say if you scratch a cynic you find a disappointed idealist. And perhaps the flame still flickers a little, you know
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All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
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Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards
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In Hawaii they say, aloha. That's a nice one, It means both hello and good-bye Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going.
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If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?
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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
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I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
George Carlin
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Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right.
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I don't have hobbies hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
George Carlin
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First I was a mimic. Practically from the moment I began talking, I did impersonations of the people in my neighborhood - the storekeepers, the policemen, my teachers.
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We created god in our own image and likeness!
George Carlin
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Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe.
George Carlin