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You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like generally, it's an inconvenience.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Dies
Inconvenience
Hate
Schedule
Happens
Schedules
Going
Remind
Like
Humorous
Generally
Probably
Happen

More quotes by George Carlin

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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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I think there's a little more attention to human needs than to property rights. But I don't think much of political activism. It's so shortsighted. Most people are interested in their own personal comfort. I've said that about environmentalists. I think they care about bike paths and places to park their Volvos, not the planet as an abstraction.
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It's a keep your fingers crossed business, the entertainment business.
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Christian Deodorant: Thou Shalt Not Smell
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.
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Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
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One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.
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Life is a series of dogs.
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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
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Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
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I always knew I could hold people's attention and make them laugh every 30 or 40 seconds, and I got approval and attention for that, so the behavior was reinforced. Later, that became an important skill on the street corner.
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
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It seems to me like a perversion of talent for an artist of any kind to further the corporate structure of America or the personal interests of the morons and thieves who run it.
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The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition.
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I think of myself as an entertainer: I'm a performing entertainer, I'm a stand-up comic. But there's an artist at work here, too. One who interprets his world through his own filter.
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