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You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like generally, it's an inconvenience.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Happens
Schedules
Going
Remind
Like
Humorous
Generally
Probably
Happen
Dies
Inconvenience
Hate
Schedule

More quotes by George Carlin

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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
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The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.
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One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.
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If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
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The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even an entire industry devoted to keeping an eye on other people's stuff. This is how stupid it's got. If you decide to get rid of a lot of your stuff, you can give it to a thrift shop or to Goodwill.
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I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening.
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Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe.
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Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
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Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't.
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People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn't want you to know.
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The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It's not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone.
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It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
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Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
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No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
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The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
George Carlin
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In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.
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