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Christian Deodorant: Thou Shalt Not Smell

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Humorous
Smell
Thou
Christian
Deodorant
Shalt

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Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
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If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It's not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone.
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No one who has had Taps played for them has ever been able to hear it.
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When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.
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Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
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There is nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine ... been here 4 1/2 billion years. We've been here, what, a 100,000 years, maybe 200,000. And we've only been engaged in heavy industry a little over 200 years. 200 years versus 4 1/2 billion. And we have the conceit to think that somehow we're a threat? The planet isn't going away. We are.
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Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer.
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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
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Personally, emotionally, I'd rather divorce myself from the world than face the heartbreak of partial success. Because partial success implies overwhelming failure.
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There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
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Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe.
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The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.
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By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
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I try not to see new comics - their acts or their films. Part of that is professional. I don't want to be influenced. But another part is fear and jealousy. I'm afraid to see how good they might be. I don't like that emotion, but it's part of me.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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