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I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick. and then walking after it! An then ..hitting it again!
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Draws
Stick
Following
Humorous
Activity
Ball
Walking
Sticks
Takes
Draw
Pleasure
Intellect
Crooked
Think
Balls
Fairly
Thinking
Lows
Hitting
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Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.
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Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.
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Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
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It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
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The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even an entire industry devoted to keeping an eye on other people's stuff. This is how stupid it's got. If you decide to get rid of a lot of your stuff, you can give it to a thrift shop or to Goodwill.
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When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all.
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One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.
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I respect animals. I have more sympathy for an injured or dead animal than I do for an injured or dead human being, because human beings participate and cooperate in their own undoing. Animals are completely innocent. There are no innocent human beings.
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Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
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They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
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There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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To my surprise, my marijuana use has been tapering off steadily.
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