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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Cure
More quotes by George Carlin
A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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Cancer research is a growth industry.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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Life is not that complicated.
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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
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I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.
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Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
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The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
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To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
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Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
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I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to it depends on the moment and the subject.
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Two things happened. The creative side of my career was harmed. When I'd sit down and write under the influence of coke, the ratio of pages kept to pages thrown out declined drastically. But onstage, when rapping about a feeling I already owned, I would sometimes get a burst of eloquence.
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I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
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It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?
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Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
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Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
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