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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
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Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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More quotes by George Carlin
We kind of shape our truths as we speak them. We fashion things to suit the occasion or the person or our own needs in the moment.
George Carlin
Religion is a self-conferred intellectual decision it's not something you get at birth and is unchangeable. You're collusive with the religion when you accept it you have a choice.
George Carlin
The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
George Carlin
They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.
George Carlin
I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
George Carlin
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
George Carlin
The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
George Carlin
I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
George Carlin
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
George Carlin
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
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Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.
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Self-expression is a hallmark of an artist, of art, to get something off one's chest, to sing one's song. So that element is present in all art. It is the key to even standing up and saying, Hey, listen to me. Self-expression can be based on looking at the world and making observations about it.
George Carlin
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin
Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
George Carlin
President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.
George Carlin
The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
George Carlin
Can placebos cause side effects? If so, are the side effects real?
George Carlin
I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
George Carlin