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I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Giving
Illegal
Something
Humorous
Sell
Sells
Selling
Understand
Away
Prostitution
Give
Legal
More quotes by George Carlin
When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
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What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. There's just a rich, textured, field of information and impressions that have been all networked by the brain.
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Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
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If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
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Sometimes, when I was really loaded, I'd sit on the floor and sort out every nut and bolt in the house. It was just sheer insanity. And often there'd be speed in the cut, so I was a speed freak, too.
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In most polls there are always about 5 percent of the people who 'don't know.' What isn't generally understood is that it's the same people in every poll.
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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
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So far, this is the oldest I've been.
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It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
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The planet is fine. The people are f****d. Because everyone is trying to save the planet. The planet doesn’t need that. The planet will take care of itself. People are selfish. And that's what they're doing is trying to save the planet for themselves to have a nicer place to live.
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The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.
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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
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I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
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Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.
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I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.
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