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I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Sells
Selling
Understand
Away
Prostitution
Give
Legal
Giving
Illegal
Something
Humorous
Sell
More quotes by George Carlin
The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
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Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
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War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always has been.
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My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money.
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Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
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A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.
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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
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In Hawaii they say, aloha. That's a nice one, It means both hello and good-bye Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going.
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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
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When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.
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I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
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