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Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Give
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Crappy
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More quotes by George Carlin

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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
George Carlin
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They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
George Carlin
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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
George Carlin
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I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
George Carlin
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The rebellious mood of the country during those [60th] years allowed me to plug right back into my old hatreds. I could scream and holler, as I did on the albums, against religion, government, big business - all those assholes and their values. That hatred was very real.
George Carlin
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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
George Carlin
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Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.
George Carlin
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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
George Carlin
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Dogs and cats get put to sleep hogs and cows get slaughtered.
George Carlin
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
George Carlin
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In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.
George Carlin
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Cancer research is a growth industry.
George Carlin
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The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election
George Carlin
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
George Carlin
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The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
George Carlin
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Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.
George Carlin
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Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
George Carlin
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Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it comes from one of my albums, books, HBO specials, or appeared on my website.
George Carlin
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When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
George Carlin
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
George Carlin