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Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
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Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Helping
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Crappy
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More quotes by George Carlin
People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
George Carlin
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
George Carlin
When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
George Carlin
Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.
George Carlin
Christian Deodorant: Thou Shalt Not Smell
George Carlin
The planet is fine. The people are f****d. Because everyone is trying to save the planet. The planet doesn’t need that. The planet will take care of itself. People are selfish. And that's what they're doing is trying to save the planet for themselves to have a nicer place to live.
George Carlin
Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
George Carlin
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
George Carlin
Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
George Carlin
It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
George Carlin
Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!
George Carlin
Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
George Carlin
I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
George Carlin
Life is not that complicated.
George Carlin
Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
George Carlin
When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows there's just nothing special about their content.
George Carlin
Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.
George Carlin
Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
George Carlin
As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
George Carlin
I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
George Carlin
