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As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Believe
Believing
Humorous
Concerned
Worth
Belief
Humans
Come
More quotes by George Carlin
Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
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Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.
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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!
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There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.
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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
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Self-expression is a hallmark of an artist, of art, to get something off one's chest, to sing one's song. So that element is present in all art. It is the key to even standing up and saying, Hey, listen to me. Self-expression can be based on looking at the world and making observations about it.
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I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan administration.
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
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I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
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Have you ever started a path? No one seems willing to do this. We don't mind using existing paths, but we rarely start new ones. Do it today. Start a path. Even if it doesn't lead anywhere
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No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
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Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.
George Carlin
