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If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Hard
Climbing
Humorous
Side
Sides
Everyone
Easy
Doe
Reason
Everest
More quotes by George Carlin
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
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How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
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The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
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The future will soon be a thing of the past.
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
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And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was conceived in the absence of sex. It means Mary was conceived without Original Sin. That's all it has ever meant. And according to the tabloids, Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim. The Jesus thing is called virgin birth.
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I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to it depends on the moment and the subject.
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If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
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The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
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No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
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When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!
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We created god in our own image and likeness!
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I think we overrate ourselves in terms of our abilities and capacities. I mean, just because you can build a really swell bridge doesn't, to my way of thinking, mean that you're an advanced civilization.
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I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I'll get one. And I'll use it.
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.
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