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If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Hard
Climbing
Humorous
Side
Sides
Everyone
Easy
Doe
Reason
Everest
More quotes by George Carlin
Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the Ten Most Wanted criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list?
George Carlin
You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there.
George Carlin
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
George Carlin
It seems to me like a perversion of talent for an artist of any kind to further the corporate structure of America or the personal interests of the morons and thieves who run it.
George Carlin
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
George Carlin
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
George Carlin
Dogs and cats get put to sleep hogs and cows get slaughtered.
George Carlin
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
George Carlin
When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
George Carlin
People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.
George Carlin
When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
George Carlin
And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
George Carlin
I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
George Carlin
Your home is your refuge.
George Carlin
When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
George Carlin
In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
George Carlin
There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
George Carlin
One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
George Carlin
No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
George Carlin
I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
George Carlin
