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If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Hard
Climbing
Humorous
Side
Sides
Everyone
Easy
Doe
Reason
Everest
More quotes by George Carlin
For a long time, I've distinguished between entertainer and performer and entertainer and artist. To me, an entertainer is someone who pleases others, and an artist tries to please himself.
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Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
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Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
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As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
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People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
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The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It's not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone.
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I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.
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Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.
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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
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In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind
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The more complicated the order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half soy, half lowfat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole.
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We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.
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People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.
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It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture based on aesthetics, and they all want to become fort builders like the vicious people who originally enslaved them.
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Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
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