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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Look
Might
Looks
Never
Think
Humorous
Thinking
Idea
Around
Ideas

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Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.
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You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.
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We think in language. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language.
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I think there's a little more attention to human needs than to property rights. But I don't think much of political activism. It's so shortsighted. Most people are interested in their own personal comfort. I've said that about environmentalists. I think they care about bike paths and places to park their Volvos, not the planet as an abstraction.
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Language always gives you away.
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Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
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The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election
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George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
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The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.
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Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
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