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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Looks
Never
Think
Humorous
Thinking
Idea
Around
Ideas
Look
Might
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Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
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I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
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Two things happened. The creative side of my career was harmed. When I'd sit down and write under the influence of coke, the ratio of pages kept to pages thrown out declined drastically. But onstage, when rapping about a feeling I already owned, I would sometimes get a burst of eloquence.
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.
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The status quo sucks.
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When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
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I do something about the weather. I stay home.
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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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For a long time, I've distinguished between entertainer and performer and entertainer and artist. To me, an entertainer is someone who pleases others, and an artist tries to please himself.
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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
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When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
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The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It's not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone.
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When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.
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