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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Never
Think
Humorous
Thinking
Idea
Around
Ideas
Look
Might
Looks

More quotes by George Carlin

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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
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By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
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We think in language. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language.
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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
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I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an even worse experience than the Catholic schools. I mean, they were still teaching fractions. But mostly, I played hooky.
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To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.
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In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
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Broadway isn't a very big career move. There's no money in it and it doesn't mean anything to your career. It's just a nice little jewel in the crown.
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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
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So I do have this ambivalence. Obviously I'm against militaries, because of what militaries do. In many ways though, the air force was unmilitary-like. They dropped bombs on people, but...they had a golf course.
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
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Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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What year did Jesus think it was?
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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
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We kind of shape our truths as we speak them. We fashion things to suit the occasion or the person or our own needs in the moment.
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I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
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Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.
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When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
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When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
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