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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Twelve
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Humorous
Dollars
Free
Book
Verse
More quotes by George Carlin
The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election
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Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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Cancer research is a growth industry.
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I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.
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I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
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We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
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You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets...supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.
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You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
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Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
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Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.
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When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.
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It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
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We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country. I don't care where they hang his portrait, I don't care how big his library is. To me, he'll always be Governor Bush. I don't even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.
George Carlin