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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Recently
Twelve
Bought
Humorous
Dollars
Free
Book
Verse
Verses

More quotes by George Carlin

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The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even an entire industry devoted to keeping an eye on other people's stuff. This is how stupid it's got. If you decide to get rid of a lot of your stuff, you can give it to a thrift shop or to Goodwill.
George Carlin
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
George Carlin
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Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.
George Carlin
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As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
George Carlin
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
George Carlin
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Two things happened. The creative side of my career was harmed. When I'd sit down and write under the influence of coke, the ratio of pages kept to pages thrown out declined drastically. But onstage, when rapping about a feeling I already owned, I would sometimes get a burst of eloquence.
George Carlin
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People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
George Carlin
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Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
George Carlin
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Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
George Carlin
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
George Carlin
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I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.
George Carlin
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I think there's a little more attention to human needs than to property rights. But I don't think much of political activism. It's so shortsighted. Most people are interested in their own personal comfort. I've said that about environmentalists. I think they care about bike paths and places to park their Volvos, not the planet as an abstraction.
George Carlin
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Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.
George Carlin
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Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
George Carlin
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You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
George Carlin
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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
George Carlin
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The status quo sucks.
George Carlin
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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
George Carlin
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I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
George Carlin
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The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
George Carlin