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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Humorous
Dollars
Free
Book
Verse
Verses
Recently
Twelve
Bought

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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
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No comment is a comment.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.
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Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
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I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'
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Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.
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In most polls there are always about 5 percent of the people who 'don't know.' What isn't generally understood is that it's the same people in every poll.
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Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
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The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.
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There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.
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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
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I'll tell you a little secret about the Blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played.
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture based on aesthetics, and they all want to become fort builders like the vicious people who originally enslaved them.
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