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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Free
Book
Verse
Verses
Recently
Twelve
Bought
Humorous
Dollars

More quotes by George Carlin

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It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
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I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.
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If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
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There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.
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We created god in our own image and likeness!
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By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
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Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
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I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
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There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed. Fear, guilt and shame are built into the attitude toward sex and the body. It's reflected in these prohibitions and these taboos that we have.
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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
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When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.
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Life is a zero sum game.
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
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Christian Deodorant: Thou Shalt Not Smell
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
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You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to it depends on the moment and the subject.
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I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I'll get one. And I'll use it.
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