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When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Human
Humans
Many
Cannonball
Men
Cannonballs
Caliber
Loaded
Humorous
Knew

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Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.
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I say things that can be defined as prayers. But I don't pray to a power or ask an entity to intercede in the earthly scheme, because I don't believe that happens. But if I see a really unfortunate person in the street, I do pray, yes, though I suppose it's really more like a mantra to ease my own sorrow.
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All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
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When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.
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There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
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Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
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By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear how sick I am. If you want to see a cokehead, just look at the pictures on the Occupation: Foole album.
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Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
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The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
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Life is tough, then you die.
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Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.
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I hope I'm beginning a new cycle of energy and creativity. If so, it'll really be my third career. The first was as a straight comic in the Sixties. The second was as a counterculture performer in the Seventies. The third will be...well, that's for others to judge.
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The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
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Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.
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