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When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Many
Cannonball
Men
Cannonballs
Caliber
Loaded
Humorous
Knew
Human
Humans

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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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Tits always look better in a pink sweater.
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Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
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Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.
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When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
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