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Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Sheep
Rain
Rains
Shrink
Shrinks

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I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
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There was a built-in audience for the rebel in me that had been all along not expressing himself.
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
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There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment, because I feel if I have my physical space in order, then I'm free to dream.
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Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
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The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind
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I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
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Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe.
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People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
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I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
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