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Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Shrink
Shrinks
Sheep
Rain
Rains

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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
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If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
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Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
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If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
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What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
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Every day I break my own personal record for number of days I have been alive.
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The rebellious mood of the country during those [60th] years allowed me to plug right back into my old hatreds. I could scream and holler, as I did on the albums, against religion, government, big business - all those assholes and their values. That hatred was very real.
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There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
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Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
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People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
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I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
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I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
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The planet is fine. The people are f****d. Because everyone is trying to save the planet. The planet doesn’t need that. The planet will take care of itself. People are selfish. And that's what they're doing is trying to save the planet for themselves to have a nicer place to live.
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