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There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Smart
Funny
Night
Permitting
Friday
Clever
Weather
Rain
Dance

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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
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There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
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I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
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By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear how sick I am. If you want to see a cokehead, just look at the pictures on the Occupation: Foole album.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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What year did Jesus think it was?
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Hallucinogens are a value changer...like it or not, it changes your values, it opens up windows (doors of perception.)
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They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.
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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
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I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
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I always knew I could hold people's attention and make them laugh every 30 or 40 seconds, and I got approval and attention for that, so the behavior was reinforced. Later, that became an important skill on the street corner.
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