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Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Never
Life
Dogs
Dog
Lead
Nice
Funny

More quotes by George Carlin

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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
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When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
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I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.
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When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
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Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
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There was about a two-year period at the end of the '60s, when I realized I was in the wrong place and entertaining the wrong people with the wrong material and that I was not being true to myself. I went through a metamorphosis into something more authentic for me, a more authentic stage voice and writing voice.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
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Self-expression is a hallmark of an artist, of art, to get something off one's chest, to sing one's song. So that element is present in all art. It is the key to even standing up and saying, Hey, listen to me. Self-expression can be based on looking at the world and making observations about it.
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When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
George Carlin
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And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
George Carlin
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
George Carlin
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The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.
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We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
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The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.
George Carlin
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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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