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Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Lead
Nice
Funny
Never
Life
Dogs
Dog

More quotes by George Carlin

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What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
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No comment is a comment.
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I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it comes from one of my albums, books, HBO specials, or appeared on my website.
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There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
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My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.
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I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan administration.
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If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.
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If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
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How old are you? 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
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George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
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In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.
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It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
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Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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Anger is a handy term and words are tricky, as we know. What one man perceives as anger, another person - in my case the deliverer of material - is, Don't you see it, don't you see how badly you're doing? It's like shaking a child - which you're not supposed to do.
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I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to it depends on the moment and the subject.
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I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
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