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Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Dogs
Dog
Lead
Nice
Funny
Never
Life
More quotes by George Carlin
The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
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Christian Deodorant: Thou Shalt Not Smell
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Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
George Carlin
There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
George Carlin
A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.
George Carlin
I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.
George Carlin
It's a keep your fingers crossed business, the entertainment business.
George Carlin
Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
George Carlin
I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
George Carlin
I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
George Carlin
Two things happened. The creative side of my career was harmed. When I'd sit down and write under the influence of coke, the ratio of pages kept to pages thrown out declined drastically. But onstage, when rapping about a feeling I already owned, I would sometimes get a burst of eloquence.
George Carlin
There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
George Carlin
So far, this is the oldest I've been.
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Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
George Carlin
The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
George Carlin
Can placebos cause side effects? If so, are the side effects real?
George Carlin
Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
George Carlin
If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
George Carlin
No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
George Carlin
