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If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Love
Seagull
Sarcasm
Sarcastic
Fire
Free
Someone
Back
Come

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I think we’re part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is.
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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
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Does killing time damage eternity?
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Personally, emotionally, I'd rather divorce myself from the world than face the heartbreak of partial success. Because partial success implies overwhelming failure.
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What I hated most was seeing those priests and brothers getting so much pleasure out of inflicting pain. I wondered what was wrong with them.
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Language always gives you away.
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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
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I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
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The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.
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It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
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Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
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The more complicated the order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half soy, half lowfat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole.
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The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
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If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
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My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.
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George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition.
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With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
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